


The People vs Peanutbutter Jolly

by FreckledSkittles



Series: 2019 SVU Advent Calendar [17]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Advent Calendar, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Banter, Christmas Cookies, Christmas Party, Competition, GASP, Gen, Lawyer Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., M/M, Mike Dodds Lives, Secret Relationship, Trials, he deserves good things, lawyer boyfriends at it again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:14:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21839551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreckledSkittles/pseuds/FreckledSkittles
Summary: Day 17 of Advent Calendar Writing Prompts.Three defendants, two lawyers, one cookie left, and a partridge in a pear tree.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Series: 2019 SVU Advent Calendar [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1559359
Comments: 18
Kudos: 62





	The People vs Peanutbutter Jolly

**Author's Note:**

> You know that one time when Rafael walks into Liv's apartment and sees the elephant in jail for eating all the ice cream and he goes "I never trusted that elephant"? Yeah, that guy is in here, his name is Peanutbutter Jolly, and he might be a criminal we don't know yet
> 
> This was probably the most fun I've had writing a fic for this challenge! It was so so fun and the thought of Rafael and Sonny battling it out in court over a cookie is so funny to me ugh. They are lawyer boyfriends, after all. And it doesn't matter if they're open about their relationship, or if they're just starting, or if they're not even dating—they are a beautiful fit <3
> 
> I used four separate Tumblr posts to find prompts for this event. The prompt for this story is: There’s one Christmas cookie left, so I challenge you, winner takes the cookie. You can find the prompt [here](https://verobird.tumblr.com/post/153891387911/christmas-prompts-some-i-made-up-some-i-took)!

Olivia Benson’s Christmas parties are one hundred percent work-free. If it pops up, she silences it with a change of topic. If it happens again, she’ll use Noah’s growing-up stories to distract them or, when he’s older and learns how to speak, he’ll tell his own stories. Nine times out of ten, it works. Usually, the longer someone stays with SVU, the more likely they are to not partake in it. Unfortunately, the ones who leave and stop by for visits are repeat offenders. Just because they don’t work together anymore means they can get away with it.

And just because Sonny Carisi is an ADA now, working alongside Rafael Barba with the Sex Crimes Bureau, does not mean that the argument-turned-trial that had started in her apartment is allowed to venture into a courtroom. Munch is lucky he was busy tonight and couldn’t make it to the party; otherwise, his allowing them access into a courtroom would be met with severe backlash. Maybe she could compromise—deleting his number from everyone’s phones would be a start.

The setup is simple—Amanda, Nick, Fin, Mike, and Olivia sit in the front row of the jury box; the back row has a few of the stuffed animals Noah and Jessie had received for Christmas. At the judge’s bench is Noah’s walrus, Judge Ruth, one of the few appropriate aspects of the room. Noah and Jessie sit at the defendant’s table, with Noah’s elephant Peanutbutter Jolly in front of them. Sonny sits at their table as their representative; Rafael represents the prosecution. Olivia silenced any complaints with the two bottles of wine she had allowed them to bring along with them. She’s surrounded by children.

Rafael stands, adjusts the hem of his sweater in lieu of buttoning his jacket, and steps around the table to stand in front of them. “Ladies and gentlemen of this year’s Christmas dinner,” he begins, “we are not here to judge the past crimes of Mister Jolly, although I will use them to establish our pattern of offense. We are not here to reflect on his friendship with Mister Porter-Benson, though we may be inclined to.” At the mention of his name, Noah perks up, eyes wide and shining with wonder. “The defendant, Peanutbutter Jolly, is a thief. The cookies in question were on his side of the table, and they vanished, leaving the People with only one cookie.”

Rafael slides his hands into his pockets and paces in front of them, eyes trained on the hardwood floor but his head still raised as he continues. “Every person in this room was allowed to take what they wanted, but the People were not. It’s not a coincidence that he’s stolen dessert again. This is his pathology. The difference,” he looks over at Sonny, who leans into his chair and rolls his eyes, “is that the People, in this case, are the victims. To ensure that the People were not allowed to have any cookies, they vanished at the behest of his guidance. And I will prove that tonight.”

There had been plenty of cookies, but Rafael had been distracted by Noah and Jessie showing off their pictures that he missed the snack he had been looking forward to the most. At the same time he reached for the last one, Sonny went to take it as well, resulting in a disagreement between the two on who was more deserving of the cookie. Sonny’s solution was to hold a trial in the living room and let their friends—the same guests who had all had a scolding at one point or another for discussing work after hours—decide for themselves who was worthy of the cookie. Olivia had protested as much as she could, but Noah was not on her side, and that competitive glint had flashed in Rafael’s eyes, so she instantly knew it would be a waste to try and stop it from happening.

When Rafael finishes, to the soft chorus of Noah and Jessie’s applause, he turns back to the prosecution’s table and sits down with a flourish, adjusting his sleeves and crossing his legs—rather dramatically, Olivia observes. Practically showing off. Sonny is already springing to his feet and facing them. He stands tall and firm in front of them, the clear signs of his years as a detective showing in the curve of his shoulders but bending to the way he spins his words to form his opening statement. “Peanutbutter Jolly is a good friend. He’s spent many years by Mister Porter-Benson’s side. He’s chased away nightmares, given to charity—he’s helped every single person in this courtroom, in some way or another. You know him.” Sonny points behind him at the stuffed elephant. “It’s Peanutbutter Jolly.”

Fin and Amanda pop open the first bottle of wine. Nick holds his glass over in a silent request. Olivia lets out a long sigh and initially hopes the mock trial doesn’t last long. But seeing Noah’s eyes light up and the excitement run through him in bouncing waves, she finds little to complain about.

* * *

“Lieutenant Dodds,” Rafael begins, walking up to SVU’s former sergeant, who has taken a seat at the witness stand, “is it true that Peanutbutter Jolly was the friend put in charge of the cookies?”

“Yes,” Mike replies, with as serious a face as he can muster. “He was. Noah encouraged him to watch over them.”

“Did he?” Rafael turns to look at Noah, who giggles and sticks his tongue out. “Why would Mister Porter-Benson have any reason to put him in charge of such an important task?”

“Objection,” Sonny hops to his feet, “calls for speculation. Lieutenant Dodds is not Noah Porter-Benson, nor did he put Peanutbutter Jolly in charge of the cookies.”

Rafael looks at Olivia, who just shrugs; it was a fair point. He rolls his eyes in response. “I’ll rephrase. Did Mister Porter-Benson say why he was putting Mister Jolly in charge of protecting the cookies?”

Mike nods, biting down on his lower lip to stifle a laugh. “Yes, he said that Mister Jolly was the right fit for that job.”

“Based on your experience with him, did you have any doubts that Peanutbutter Jolly was, in fact,  _ not _ capable of completing this task?”

Mike pauses for a second, glancing up at the ceiling, then straightens up. “Well, I know that at the party for my promotion, which was in this room, part of my cake went missing.”

“Could you elaborate?”

“We had cut out slices, but one of the plates had been found empty in Noah’s room.”

Rafael rotates on his heels to look at the mock defendants. Both Jessie and Sonny have their jaws dropped, and Noah is pouting. “No further questions.”

“Mike, that was a secret,” Noah frowns.

“I’m sorry, bud,” Mike says, equally upset, as if the fact that he had to reveal their secret was just as devastating to him. “I can’t lie on the stand.”

“Not even a little fib?”

“Not in my courtroom,” Rafael states, eyeing the two as he sits down.

Sonny stands. “One question, Lieutenant—by the way, congrats on the promotion again, super proud of you.” Mike smiles and blushes, the former a genuine reaction to his best friend’s proclamation and the latter a possible sign of the alcohol the adults have been consuming to get through the mock trial. “Did anyone else attend that party?”

“Yes. I think almost everyone in this room was here.”

“Meaning the culprit could have been anyone.”

Rafael jumps up. “Objection, we aren’t putting everyone on trial for a party that happened five months ago. We’re here for Peanutbutter Jolly eating all of the cookies.”

“Ooh, fair point,” Amanda mumbles. Nick hums in agreement and takes a sip of wine.

Sonny frowns but sits down, defeat clear on his face. “Nothing further.”

* * *

“Sergeant Tutuola, you were the one who introduced Peanutbutter Jolly to Mister Porter-Benson, correct?”

Fin nods. “I am.”

Rafael hums. “And you were the one who brought the cookies that now only have one remaining?”

“Yes.”

“Thank you.” He looks over at Sonny and gives him a smirk as he returns to his table. “Your witness, Counselor.”

Sonny smirks right back. “Thanks, Counselor.” He walks over to Fin and leans against the barrier of the witness stand. “Sergeant, would you say that my client, Mister Jolly, is biased towards you?”

“Objection, calls for speculation,” Rafael scoffs. “Sergeant Tutuola introduced them. He has experience with their relationship, but that doesn’t make him an expert on cookie-elephant-first grader relations.”

Sonny glances over his shoulder at the other prosecutor. “If he was the one who introduced my clients to each other, he has the best relationship with both the cookies and their relationship to Misters Jolly and Porter-Benson.”

“That’s a good point,” Nick muses to Amanda. Both Rafael and Sonny look over at them; Nick just shrugs, and Amanda downs another gulp of wine.

“If we assume that Sergeant Tutuola is the one with the most knowledge on this matter in regards to Misters Jolly and Porter-Benson, then we’ll have to assume he was the one responsible for this travesty in the first place.”

“Not unless he’s guilty,” Sonny adds.

“I’m glad you two work on the same side,” Fin grumbles. “I don’t think I could take it if you had to face each other in court.”

“Would you mind answering the question?”

Fin rolls his eyes but gives a reply. “No. I would say he’s biased toward Noah, but not me.”

“Okay, good.” Sonny spins on his feet. “That settles that.” Rafael pretends to scratch his cheek but makes a secret show of showing him his middle finger. “But he knows you.”

“He’s a stuffed animal.”

“He’s our defendant, and Noah’s best friend, and this courtroom expects you to treat him as such.”

Fin lets out a long breath. “He knows me.”

“So, if you brought the cookies, it would be fair to say that he gravitated toward them, right?”

“It could.”

Amanda and Nick hum to each other. Mike refills his glass of wine. Olivia checks the time and hopes time moves faster.

* * *

Sonny leans against the banister with a small smile. “Noah. Did you eat all the cookies?”

Noah, lips curving into an almost-smile, shakes his head.

Sonny glances over at the jury box. “Let the record show that my client, Noah Porter-Benson, says he did not eat all the cookies. How many cookies did you have?”

“My mom said I could have four,” Noah says.

“And did you?”

Noah nods vigorously.

“Thank you, Noah.” He holds out a hand for a high-five and winks at him. He saunters back to the defense’s table.

Rafael is already jumping to his feet and walking over to Noah. “Mister Porter-Benson, you did not eat  _ all _ of the cookies, but you were with Mister Jolly when the cookies arrived?”

Noah nods with a confirming hum.

“So do you know who ate them?”

Noah glances at his hand, which has thin black lines inked onto it. “To avoid indiscim...incrin—crimin, ate—”

“Incriminating,” Sonny whispers.

“Incriminating—myself, I plead the fifth!” Noah beams.

Rafael groans and runs a hand through his hair. Sonny gives Noah a big thumbs-up; Jessie claps for Noah, who takes a little bow and slides off the chair.

“Leaving before the questions are done?” Nick laughs under his breath. “I think you just did, little guy.”

“Hey!” Noah giggles. “Am not!”

* * *

“The People would like to call a rebuttal witness, Jessie Rollins.”

Noah and Jessie whip around to look at each other. Sonny, confused, glances between Rafael and Jessie. Olivia hears Amanda groan as Nick and Fin taunt her; Mike offers her the remainder of the second bottle of wine. Olivia just offers her glass.

Jessie walks over to the witness stand and sits down tentatively. The nervousness is clear instantly from her stance. Rafael smiles at her and leans against the banister. “Hi, Jessie.”

“Hi, Uncle Rafa,” she says meekly.

“Do you swear to tell the truth?”

Jessie nods.

“Very good. Were you with Noah and Peanutbutter Jolly for the entire party?”

“Yes.”

“Including the time you two spent with the cookies?”

Another nod, this one more hesitant.

“So did you see who ate all the cookies?”

Jessie looks over at Amanda with a deep frown. Amanda straightens up when her daughter blurts out, “There were four cookies left, and I asked if we could save them for you, and when I went to bring them to you, they were all gone! Mommy and Uncle Nick said it was the only way to get you and Uncle Sonny together!”

Amanda and Nick slide in their chairs, occupying themselves with downing their wine and looking anywhere but at the curious stares focused on them. Sonny looks disappointed in them; Rafael looks unimpressed, leaning against the witness stand.

“Looks like Peanutbutter Jolly’s off the hook,” Mike sighs.

Olivia takes the bottle and gulps down the remainder.

* * *

“Well, that was fun.”

Rafael chuckles as Sonny tosses an arm around his shoulder. He pulls Sonny in by the waist. “I was thinking about telling them otherwise, but I like the fact that they kept guessing.”

Sonny shrugs. “I don’t mind keeping it from them a little longer.”

“I’m okay with anything.” He smiles and looks up at Sonny, who pecks his cheek when he catches him staring and nuzzles against the curve of his jaw. “No matter what, I get to be with you.”The cookie goes to Rafael, but he shares it with Sonny once everyone heads home. Rafael and Sonny return to their apartment to spend the remainder of the night together, under fluffy blankets, to the tune of steaming cups of hot chocolate, wrapped up with and around one another in warm bliss.

**Author's Note:**

> And Barisi laughed at their friends' attempts and relish in their relationship and live happily ever after the END
> 
> Tomorrow, we got some saucy Dorisi! No spoilers but there is a lot of ~kissing~...


End file.
